Sita walks down the steps and the four people greet her. She's wearing a baby pink skin-tight dress, that has spaghetti straps and a low-cut V down the front. It's adorned with iridescent sequins on both sides. Her hair is done up in giant braids all over her head and she's wearing the most beautiful smile. Rama is the first to greet her, beyond elated as he was hoping she would be on the show as well. They had history together previously and had broken it off because it just "wasn't the right time," though neither would admit it to the other they are still madly in love. Lakshamana, Rama's brother, is there as well as Mareecha and Ravana. The men are more than happy to see a woman- their first chance at love in paradise. But they all knew of Rama and Sita's previous relationship so this put a damper on things. Lakshamana would never dare try to come on to Sita, though, since he knows the love his brother Rama has for her. As for Ravana and Mareecha, neither one is fond of Rama, so winning over Sita's heart is at the top of their list.
After dinner Ravana and Mareecha (Ravana's sidekick if you will) are having some whiskey on the beach.
"Did you see Sita when she walked in tonight?" Ravana says while watching the waves crash on the shore.
"Yeah, dude, she's a stunner," Mareecha replies.
"I know that her and Rama have history, but I'm gonna try to win her over- it shouldn't be too difficult."
Mareecha suddenly has a bright idea. "I could invite Rama to a game of pool and you could steal Sita away for a drink?"
Ravana's in love with this plan and wishes to execute it immediately.
"Did you see Sita when she walked in tonight?" Ravana says while watching the waves crash on the shore.
"Yeah, dude, she's a stunner," Mareecha replies.
"I know that her and Rama have history, but I'm gonna try to win her over- it shouldn't be too difficult."
Mareecha suddenly has a bright idea. "I could invite Rama to a game of pool and you could steal Sita away for a drink?"
Ravana's in love with this plan and wishes to execute it immediately.
They find Sita, Rama and Lakshamana in the hot tub chatting.
"We were wondering if you all would like to join us for a game of pool?" Mareecha asks.
"Sure!" Rama says as he steps out of the tub and helps Sita out.
It's at this moment Soorpanaka walks in. She's breathtaking, wearing a deep green off the shoulder dress with huge blue jewels hanging around her neck that match the color of her eyes. Soorpanaka's Ravana's sister.
"Ayyyyyyy sis!!!" Ravana runs up to her and embraces her in a bear hug. "My little sis isn't allowed to look this beautiful."
She laughs, punching him in the arm. "Oh quit!!" That is when she saw Rama for the first time. She's stricken with love in that very moment. She whispers to Ravana, "Who is that?"
"Oh, Rama? He's in love with Sita, not even worth a second glance."
"And I'm assuming Sita would be the woman whose hand he's holding?"
"Yes, she arrived this morning and I am determined to be with her."
Soorpanaka giggles. "Oh and you're telling me I have no chance with Rama? Let's tag team them and get what we want."
"We were wondering if you all would like to join us for a game of pool?" Mareecha asks.
"Sure!" Rama says as he steps out of the tub and helps Sita out.
It's at this moment Soorpanaka walks in. She's breathtaking, wearing a deep green off the shoulder dress with huge blue jewels hanging around her neck that match the color of her eyes. Soorpanaka's Ravana's sister.
"Ayyyyyyy sis!!!" Ravana runs up to her and embraces her in a bear hug. "My little sis isn't allowed to look this beautiful."
She laughs, punching him in the arm. "Oh quit!!" That is when she saw Rama for the first time. She's stricken with love in that very moment. She whispers to Ravana, "Who is that?"
"Oh, Rama? He's in love with Sita, not even worth a second glance."
"And I'm assuming Sita would be the woman whose hand he's holding?"
"Yes, she arrived this morning and I am determined to be with her."
Soorpanaka giggles. "Oh and you're telling me I have no chance with Rama? Let's tag team them and get what we want."
Ravana prances up to Sita and asks if she'd like to have a drink with him. Seeing no harm in a drink, she agrees. They stroll along the beach, watching the crabs walk across the sand and dart back into the sea.
"So you and Rama... is that still a thing? Have you all seen anyone else since each other?"
Sita pauses. "I don't know, it's all been so complicated. I truly care for him but it's hard when it just doesn't feel like the time is right for us. Have you ever experienced that?"
Ravana manages to let out a sigh. "Yes, unfortunately, I have been there. It's just so hard to know what your heart desires but to feel like you can't have it. I'm sorry you're going through that."
"Yes, exactly! I am so glad you get me! It's just been so hard." Sita shakes her head.
Ravana, getting a bit too hopeful at this moment, thinks he's winning her over with his completely relatable story, and confidently blurts... "Well, whenever you think you're ready to move on, I'll be here waiting."
Sita immediately realizes what's happened and sets Ravana straight, "Oh no, I'm sorry, Rav, but I love Rama. I only came here for another chance with him."
Ravana, in attempting to not to let his anger show through, smiles. "I completely understand and only want what's best for you!"
"So you and Rama... is that still a thing? Have you all seen anyone else since each other?"
Sita pauses. "I don't know, it's all been so complicated. I truly care for him but it's hard when it just doesn't feel like the time is right for us. Have you ever experienced that?"
Ravana manages to let out a sigh. "Yes, unfortunately, I have been there. It's just so hard to know what your heart desires but to feel like you can't have it. I'm sorry you're going through that."
"Yes, exactly! I am so glad you get me! It's just been so hard." Sita shakes her head.
Ravana, getting a bit too hopeful at this moment, thinks he's winning her over with his completely relatable story, and confidently blurts... "Well, whenever you think you're ready to move on, I'll be here waiting."
Sita immediately realizes what's happened and sets Ravana straight, "Oh no, I'm sorry, Rav, but I love Rama. I only came here for another chance with him."
Ravana, in attempting to not to let his anger show through, smiles. "I completely understand and only want what's best for you!"
Meanwhile, it's obvious to Mareecha and Lakshamana that Soorpanaka is flirting with Rama but he seems not to notice. Probably because he's lost in daydreams of Sita.
"What do you do for fun? Probably work out all the time," she says as she grabs his biceps and laughs. "You're so buff!"
Rama chuckles. "I do hit the gym every week but I also love hunting."
"Ohhh I love venison! Can you cook me up some sometime?" she says adoringly. Here comes Sita, gliding in and ruining everything. Rama's face lights up as she walks over and sits on his lap. He wraps his arms around her.
Soorpanaka smiles at Ravana, "Don't they make such a lovely couple?"
"What do you do for fun? Probably work out all the time," she says as she grabs his biceps and laughs. "You're so buff!"
Rama chuckles. "I do hit the gym every week but I also love hunting."
"Ohhh I love venison! Can you cook me up some sometime?" she says adoringly. Here comes Sita, gliding in and ruining everything. Rama's face lights up as she walks over and sits on his lap. He wraps his arms around her.
Soorpanaka smiles at Ravana, "Don't they make such a lovely couple?"
***
As the days pass Soorpanaka and Ravana watch the ones they love fall deeper and deeper in love with one another. Time crawls by but Soorpanaka and Ravana are too fixated on Rama and Sita to give anyone else a chance. At the Rose Ceremony on the fifth night, it's the ladies' turn to give roses out to the men they want to keep in paradise.
Soorpanaka's called first. In her last try to win over Rama, she calls his name. "Rama, will you accept this rose?"
He shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, Soorpanaka, but I can't take this rose from you- I love Sita."
Soorpanaka's enraged and throws the rose down and runs off crying. Because Soorpanaka offered her rose to Rama, no one received her rose. Therefore not only she but Ravana and Mareecha must leave as well. They're all livid and leave without love. But as for Rama and Sita they found love before paradise and were able to rekindle that flame thanks to the show.
Soorpanaka's called first. In her last try to win over Rama, she calls his name. "Rama, will you accept this rose?"
He shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, Soorpanaka, but I can't take this rose from you- I love Sita."
Soorpanaka's enraged and throws the rose down and runs off crying. Because Soorpanaka offered her rose to Rama, no one received her rose. Therefore not only she but Ravana and Mareecha must leave as well. They're all livid and leave without love. But as for Rama and Sita they found love before paradise and were able to rekindle that flame thanks to the show.
Bibliography
Narayan's Ramayana, link to Reading Guide A.
Author's Note:
I don't know if any of you have watched the show Bachelor in Paradise but when I read of this love square in the Ramayana I immediately thought of the show. The show is a spin-off from The Bachelor/Bachelorette. And if you've never seen THAT, well, basically one person goes on the show to meet about 25 other people and at the end of the show they pick one to marry. Kinda crazy, right, but entertaining- for sure! There is always so much drama with someone liking who someone else likes, or someone else asking someone on a date who's already in a relationship with someone else. When I read this part of the Ramayana, Bachelor in Paradise immediately came to my mind! So, I had to switch it up and pretend they were a part of paradise. If you haven't seen the show you should totally watch it sometime! It is so entertaining, dumb- but entertaining. I thought that this would be a fun addition to my portfolio. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Soorpanaka wasn't brutally beaten by Lakshama as in the epic so it's definitely not as gruesome. I think that it turned out pretty comical and that is what I was aiming for!
I love how accessible and understandable you made the relationships from the Ramayana! It was really enjoyable to read. I think that it also would have been really interesting if Ravana and Soorpanka also found love... why can't evil people love other evil people? Maybe they'd stop being so nasty to the happy people around them! Then again, we wouldn't have much of a story if that was the case...
ReplyDeleteI actually watched Bachelor in Paradise this summer and you are right, the story fits so well with the mold of that show! I like how you went into Sita and Rama's first love with one another and that they were able to rekindle their love while in paradise. This was such a good re-telling of Sita and Rama's story and it was very enjoyable and fun to read!
ReplyDeleteI love how creative this story was! You took the “love square” from the Ramayana and turned it into something that is very relatable in the present day. Whenever I think about romantic drama, my first thought automatically goes to reality television. I love that you brought those things together for this story! They fit really well together. I really enjoyed the dialogue throughout the story. The schemes that Soorpanka and Ravana came up with matched their characters but also fit right into the Bachelor theme.
ReplyDeleteI have been working to jump out of my comfort zone and come up with more creative stories to incorporate The Ramayana into. This gave me some more ideas about ways to do this. I wonder what other reality TV shows you could fit The Ramayana into? I might be interesting to take Rama and his siblings and create a story similar to Keeping up with the Kardashians.
I liked how you showed a lot of the unhappy people this time. Then you wrapped it up with the love between Rama and Sita. You're really good at making your stories accessible. I'm going combo and combining extra comments with Feedback strategies.
ReplyDeleteWOW- This is easy, you described Sita so perfect that she "wowed" the guys in the story and the reader.
WONDER - I wonder how Ahalya, Guatama, and Indra would have fit on the island?
WHAT IF - Hmm. Ok, what if Mareecha and Ravana would have been bro-tastic, but Mareecha was nicer "bro." Still, obnoxious but with some minor sense of "bro-code" for Rama? Yeah, I'm reaching a bit.
Madelyn, I really enjoyed reading this story! I'm not the biggest fan of The Bachelor (I mostly just don't really like watching any reality TV or game show style shows, so it's not a specific to one show thing.), but I actually really liked the set up for this story and felt like it really helped paint the overall picture while also honing in on some of the key details.
ReplyDeleteI like the attention you give to Sita's hair and dress at the very start! Since pretty much every character in the story is either royal, divine, or both (in the original tales), a little dazzle and grandeur seem perfectly appropriate. The way you borrow characters from the Ramayana but really let them change to fit your new setting is pretty neat, too. (I laughed when I read Ravana saying "Ayyyy sis!" Not what you expect from a demon king!) Ravana and Soorpanka's schemes are love-games, not kidnapping and war--after all, they are in paradise. I wonder how it would go if Ravana and Soorpanka decided to do something drastic and play dirty when their flirting fails. Rama and Sita might still end up together in the end, but it would be a longer and harder path for them, like it was in the Ramayana.
ReplyDeleteOr what if Soorpanka didn't take kindly to having her rose rejected, and remained somewhere on the island to get even? It would be a longer story, but there's plenty of envy still to be drawn out!
Wow what a GREAT way to tell this story! I’ve never seen Bachelor in Paradise but I watch the Bachelor/Bachelorette religiously so I was excited to read your rendition. I enjoyed the scene between Sita and Ravana. It made Ravana seem so vulnerable and kind of made me feel bad for him. Poor guy. I wonder what Ravana’s reaction was at the rose ceremony. Was he mad, upset, or did he know it was coming and didn’t really care? What if you did a scene in the limo as they leave of them each talking to the camera about their feelings? It would add a more intimate view to their reaction after they all lost their love. I think Soorpanaka and Ravana’s difference in emotion after being turned down would be interesting and reveal more about their character. All in all, that was a great story, I loved your rendition and it made the love square easy to follow and relatable! Great job!
ReplyDeleteEven though I'm a guy, I tend to watch the Bachelor/Bachelorette just because it is so entertaining. I absolutely love the direction you went with this story purely based on that. I think this was very much a "fun read" which is needed sometimes with the serious story situations. I really enjoyed getting to read about Ravana just because he's so entertaining. Him asking about her status with Rama honestly made me laugh out loud.
ReplyDeleteThis is a truly creative story! This almost felt like... a guilty pleasure read, rather than an assignment. I watched an episode of Paradise over the summer so I could hear their conversations PERFECTLY. I think that you've nailed the dialogue between characters, and the commentary of situation is great. I specifically loved, "Rama's face lit up at the sight of Sita and she walked over and sat on his lap, he wrapped her arms around her. Soorpanka smiled at Ravana, "Don't they make such a lovely couple?" SO SHADY!
ReplyDeleteSince we all know that Sita and Rama will make it to the end, I think it would be very interesting to explore Ravana and Soorpanaka's envy and defeat from not finding love. I wonder what would happen if you decided to really raise the stakes for those two characters and extend the drama. After all, it's Bachelor in Paradise. What would it be if not for the drama?!
It's so difficult to critique these stories- they've all been so great! I can't wait to see what happens on the next episode ;)
I dug it (again). There's not much to critique. You could change one of the one of the sentences about executing the plan immediately. There are two that sound pretty similar. As for ways to write it, I really don't know. It comes off like they're characters on a show which is exactly what you were going for. Maybe you could make Rav and Mareecha has more distinct vocabularies from each other. An example would be setting M up as a stoner/surfer type who says "bro" a lot. The only other idea I can think of is to add another couple from the book in there somewhere, or create a girl for Lakshama. I imagine you wouldn't have too much trouble with that :)
ReplyDeleteBarely Related - The other portfolio story I read is something I think you'd like. It's romantic. You might be able to pick some ideas from the story it's based on. Linkage - https://coconutladoo.blogspot.com/2016/09/story-queens-maiden.html
Hi! What a great idea, now that you mention it- this love square does remind me of the sort of situations one of the people on Paradise may get into! It is very comical to imagine Rama and Sita on a reality TV show. I wonder where the story would have gone if Rama and Sita hadn’t been so devoted to each other? I think they would always end up together in the end, but maybe they need to play the field for a while! Rama did fall in love with her just by hearing her voice in the gardens. Maybe it was too quick. I also love that you said they weren’t together because the time wasn’t right! Isn’t that always why couples break up and get back together! Some things I would check are spelling, and I would change when you put the parenthesis next to Mareecha explaining that he is his sidekick. Thank you for not beating Ravana’s sister brutally! Awesome story!
ReplyDeleteHey Madelyn! Holy cow, I thought about this too! I think that you did a great job transitioning the original story with the love triangle into this setting. I was hoping Ravana would pull a Chad and just start hitting people to get his way. I think how you described them really felt like the show, but also allowed the characters’ true personalities to come through. This made it really easy for the readers to imagine all of the activities going on in their mind. One thing you might look at for the future is working on transitions. When going from location to location or different ‘scenes’ you might look at putting a few more sentences in to try and convey that’s what is going on. Otherwise, I really liked this story and love that you used Bachelor in Paradise as the theme for your new take on Rama and Sita’s love story. I can’t wait to read more of your stuff this semester!
ReplyDeleteHey Madelyn,
ReplyDeleteI loved reading this story! I was so excited to see that the theme was the bachelor in paradise! The bachelor and bachelorette series are one of my favorites so I was very entertained with the love triangle in your story! I think you did a great job introducing the story in the first paragraph and explaining the premise for readers who may not be as experienced with the ideas of this show. Thought it was a very interesting take on the original that your story provided. I think this story could be condensed a tiny bit in order for it to be easier for the reader to comprehend. The method of using a bunch of quotes has always been confusing for me to read but that may be just me. Overall this was a great read and I loved the theme! I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future.
P.S. I am still mad JoJo chose Arron Rodgers brother!!
Hi Madelyn,
ReplyDeleteI loved your spinoff of the Bachelor. I don't personally watch the show, but I know it's a huge hit and it seems really fun based on what I've read from your story. You had a great parallel with Ravana and Soorpanaka in the original where they sort of worked together to achieve their desired ends. The evolution of Ravana's plan was great in your story (how he was going to have Mareecha invite Rama for a game of pool and use that time to steal Sita away for a drink). I also liked your break point in the story. You captured the time that passes during the heartbreak period. In the original story, Ravana pines for Sita, so you could go into more detail in that respect, but overall it was really good. Rama rejecting Soorpanaka's rose was a perfect way to cap the story, since it ties into your Bachelor theme.
Hey Madelyn,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your story and loved that the theme was based off of the Bachelor in Paradise. I do not watch the show that much, but I have definitely watched a couple episodes and know what goes on in the shows. I loved how the story was introduced in the first paragraph and thought you did a great job of explaining what was going on in case there were some readers who did not know what the bachelor was. I did not have any trouble visualizing what was going on in the show and all of the descriptions and details you used made it clear. I also really enjoyed the dialogue in the story and enjoyed the reality tv show themed story. This is the first reality show story I have read and it opens my mind for more possible options to do for my own stories.
This is such a cute story! I really enjoyed reading it, I have seen episodes of this show here and there but I have never finished it so I have an idea of how it works. I liked how you involved all of the characters and it really does seem like this could happen if this had happened today. I could actually picture everything in my head and get a clear view of what was happening so good job with the details. I did not think of this idea but it seems like fun to try for one of my own stories. The way rama says no really seems like something that could happen on the show today so that was a great way to add that detail as well
ReplyDeleteAs soon as I read your story title, I was curious to see what you were going to do with it. My hopes were met! You did such a great job with this story and I think your writing style was wonderful. I only saw a few typos:
ReplyDelete"Ravana's in love with this plan and wishes to execute it immediately"
-The tenses seemed to have switched here.
"Yes, she arrived this morning and I am determined to be with her."
-missing comma before "and"
Again, I loved reading your story. It captivated my attention from beginning to the end. My favorite part of this story was your word choice. Every paragraph was great but I think your first one was my favorite. As I was reading, I could visually see Sita dressed beautifully as she glided down those stairs. I also liked how you portrayed Ravana in this story. He just seemed like a poor guy that was just in love with the wrong girl. I felt sorry for him at the end.
This is such a unique idea. Once you present it like this, I really see just how melodramatic this story line is. It is quite humorous actually how similar it is to a soap opera. Although this style of writing isn't my preference, you have done it well. I only noticed a couple of errors. Although "Soorpanaka's Ravana's sister" is technically correct, this sentence would sound much better if you said Soorpnaka is. You could also throw in a couple adjectives to elongate this sentence. I would recommend the comma editing challenge as well. There are a few instances that need commas and a few where I'm not totally sure that you need them at all. (Grammar is not my strong suit though) Also, you describe the girls very nicely, but what do the guys look like in this? Does Ravana have his ten heads or is he just known to have split personality? Rama is buff, but does he also have a strange blue tint to his skin?
ReplyDeleteHaha, I love this! I have never actually seen Bachelor in Paradise or any of the other shows, but I got the idea perfectly from your story. I wish there was maybe more of an explanation of the Rose Ceremony before it happened though because that seemed very sudden. Besides that, there were a few grammar mistakes that I think most other people pointed out before me. Very nice story though!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this piece! I think it was really unique and I was really easy to follow. I love this show also and I think you did such a good job keeping it as close to the show as possible. I noticed a few small grammatical errors like commas and punctuation, but other then that this piece is really well written. I think you also did a great job of rally showing Rama and Sita’s story while making it relatable and interesting. I also really liked the dialogue you put in the piece. It helps the reader understand and get to know all of the characters in a better way. I also liked the way you made it a comedy almost. It lightens the intensity of the story a little bit and makes it a fun read. Other then the small grammatical errors I think you did a great job and can’t wait to read more of your work!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this story! I like how you kept it simple, but allowed it to tell a detailed story. It keeps the story form getting to complicated. You could have easily gotten carried away with Ravana and his sister but you chose to simply have them have no love and be unsuccessful in this show. I really like the modern touch that you chose to add along with the story it makes it much more relate able and allows for the story to make a more significant impact. The only thing that I wish is that you would have touched on the other characters a little bit. Simply because they seemed to just be there and not be of any significance at all. I do understand that you chose to focus on the main characters, but I think that it would add to it if we could see what the other characters thought or in what way they responded to the awkward situation. Great job though!
ReplyDelete