"Always mom!" Yudhisthira yelled back.
She thought they were going to a school fundraiser at a bowling alley but that couldn't be farther from the truth. Actually, Draupadi, the most popular girl in school, was having a party. It just happened that the five were all infatuated with her, each as convinced as the next that they had a chance with her.
When they drove up on the house it was already packed, high school kids everywhere with their Solo cups in hand. Music was blaring from inside and someone was puking under a tree in front of the house. They walked through the door to people mingling everywhere. Draupadi instantly greeted them, "Hey guys! I'm so glad you all were able to make it. C'mon, let's get you some punch!" She shoved them towards the kitchen.
Once they had their trusty Solo cups, they were ready to enjoy the party. They started to make their way around the house, stopping to talk to the people they knew. They were pretty well known at their school. Since all of them were highly athletic and good-looking every girl swooned over them. After downing the first three cups of punch you could say they were all feeling pretty good. It had reached that point in the night where everyone either loved everyone or wanted to fight everyone. A few jocks got into a fist fight and the boys had to separate them and call them rides home. Slowly, the party was coming to an end.
At some point they had lost sight of Bhima but were all too intoxicated to really worry much about it. Soon enough, he reappeared wearing a giant smile on his face. Next, Arjuna vanished... the other four too busy dancing and enjoying the music to care. After Arjuna returned, suddenly Nakula was gone, and then Sahadeva, and then Yudhisthira. All were beaming once they returned. But no one asked what was going on, again a bit too wasted to care.
Somewhere around four am Yudhisthira remembered to check his phone. He had fifteen missed calls and eight voicemails from their mother. His eyes widened as he stumbled over to Bhima...
"Bh-hiima, Bhima... it'sss four am, we gotta go mom's so mad," he stuttered.
Bhima laughed. "Calm down, Yud. You're too uptight. It's fine."
"No, no... really we hav-v-ve to go," he began to tug at Bhima's arm.
"Let me drive you all home." Draupadi appeared, somehow completely sober.
The boy's faces instantly lit up and they agreed to let her drive them home. Once they got home they all thanked Draupadi for the great night and arranged a time to get their car tomorrow. She watched to make sure they got in alright, and then went back home to tend to the rest of her hammered guests and attempt to clean up some of the mess.
They walked through the door to find Kunti sitting at the dining room table, fuming. She raised her eyebrows, looked at the clock, then back at the boys.
"So, five am is now the same as midnight? Would anyone care to explain your logic behind this?"
The boys stood there silent.
"Tell me, Bhima, why is it you smell like alcohol?"
Bhima stared blankly at Kunti.
"Fine, go to your room, now. What about you, Nakula, what went on tonight?"
Nakula didn't say a word, and just shook his head.
"Get in bed," she scolded him. "Who's next? Sahadeva, ah... who were you actually with tonight?"
Sahadeva mumbled, "Just kids from school... that's all."
She dismissed him. "Arjuna, my sweet boy... which bowling alley were you at tonight?"
Arjuna said nothing, scared of his mother's wrath.
He was sent to bed as well. She stopped at Yudhisthira, always the responsible one of the boys, and said, "Yud, this is so unlike you. Tell me, why did you boys decide to lie to me tonight?"
Yudhisthira trembled before her. "Mom, I tried to get them to leave... they were having so much fun and they-"
"Having so much fun bowling? So, this bowling alley serves alcohol to underaged kids do they? Well, I think that's illegal. And where is your car?"
"We were at Draupadi's, she had a party, I'm sorry that we lied. She drove us home and our car is parked at her house."
Kunti shook her head in disappointment. "You're grounded, just like your brothers. I can't believe the disrespect I was given tonight. Unbelievable!" And with that, Yudhisthira headed upstairs.
"Did you tell her?" Bhima asked.
"Yeah, what was I supposed to do? We come home looking like crap and smelling like alcohol at five am. Clearly we weren't at a bowling alley."
"Gah, man... why do you always have to be such a momma's boy?" Arjuna complained.
"Well, even though this night didn't end well... it was so worth it," Nakula smiled.
"What are you talking about?" Sahadeva asked.
"I made out with Draupadi. She told me I was the best kisser she'd ever met," he boasted.
The brothers all looked around at each other, stunned.
"Yeah, I knew y'all would be jealous. I told you she was into me!" Nakula said.
"...Did we all make out with Draupadi tonight?" Yud asked.
They all nodded. They had been played, and now they were grounded.
"Mom always told us to share with each other. At least we obeyed her once tonight!" Bhima joked.
High school, what a time to be alive.
Author's note:
After reading the "Hundred Questions" chapter in the Mahabharata it reminded me of how mothers are always notorious for all their questions. If you don't remember that chapter, it's the chapter where Yuhishthira's father is asking the boys questions in the form of a deadly yaksha. They are all so thirsty that they don't take time to answer the questions before they drink and all but Yudhisthira die. Because Yudhisthira obeys and answers the questions he is able to live and is then able to bring his brothers back to life. I'm sure we can all relate to a time when our mothers had to know everything about our lives! My mother is still like that, and truly I don't mind. I've always said that if I went missing she would have no trouble finding me because she knows so much! I wanted to write a story on that but I thought it would also be fun to add in Draupadi. I thought the part of the epic involving Draupadi was so interesting and somewhat hilarious. Since they had to all share her as a wife in the epic, per their mother's wishes, I thought it would be funny if they all had to share her here as well. Of course it's in a bit different way, but I still wanted to incorporate it. I honestly think this is one of my best stories thus far. I was surprised at how easily the two parts molded together. I've found that making the epics more modern is an easy and efficient way to turn them into your own. I had a lot of fun writing this story and I hope it made you all laugh!
Bibliography: Narayan's Mahabharata
This was a well written story. I love how it was set in modern days time, and I instantly saw the parallelism. The "trusty solo cup" definitely made me chuckle because I could see what was following it. I absolutely cannot get over how great this story was. I also like it circled back to technically the boys listening to what their mother taught them.
ReplyDeleteHi Madelyn, I never would have thought to use the "hundred questions" prompt in such a creative way. It was great how you modernized Draupadi and the brothers' relationship in the present day high school setting, and I liked how the ending was tied up nicely with the brothers realizing that Draupadi had played them all. Pulling off a story with a lot of dialogue is always difficult for me, so I was really impressed by yours!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to mimic what Morghan said, and agree that you handled the dialogue really well. I always struggle with that. I usually search "words to use other than said," to help me get by. Anyway the only thing this story is missing Flip-Cup and maybe Krishna shaking his head at the boys. It was really funny, and it flew by as I was reading it. Good job!
ReplyDeleteHi again! I can’t stop laughing! This is so good. It reminds me of when I was in high school. This would have been the talk of my little town on Monday. The whole school would have known that the Pandava’s got played over the weekend. It was easy to follow, and didn’t need any extra background. When Kunti is asking the one hundred questions, there were some mix ups on the different brothers names. I wonder what this story would be like if more characters from the Mahabharata showed up to the party and how different people act while they’re drunk vs how they act when they are sober. I really enjoyed this story and think what if Kunti asked more questions and she was the one to find out and tell her sons that Draupadi had played them all that evening. That would another comical aspect that you could potentially add!! Thanks for the entertaining story.
ReplyDeleteYou've done an excellent job with this story. It's absolutely incredibly well done and hilarious to boot. You do a great job of keeping the tone well maintained through the story in such a way that the narrative is never really broken. It flows really well. I only really had one main question about it and it's when Kunti is asking the one hundred questions (I know Kasandra also pointed this one out so I think it's tripping up multiple people), there were just a few name mix ups with the brothers. It's an easy fix and not much to worry about. You could probably flesh out the story just a little more if you just added a few more visuals to it to really help center the reader so that they see exactly what you want them to see. Overall, it was a fun story to read and I'm glad you shared it with us. Good luck on any and all revisions!
ReplyDeleteI definitely enjoyed reading this story. I thought that you did a great job with it and was hilarious to follow along. I loved reading it because of the humor and how it was maintained throughout the entire story. I agree with Kasandra about this story reminding me of when I was in high school. I could not help but think back to a high school setting in my home town and then think about how everyone would know about what happened to Pandava. One of the aspects that I loved was how well the dialogue was in the story. I struggle in my stories with making interesting and unique dialogue throughout the story and you definitely did so here. I wonder what would happen if you did a follow up party with when more new characters showing up, and possibly starting a fight or causing more scenes while they are drunk. Overall, this was a really fun story to read and I look forward to reading more and following along.
ReplyDeleteHaha, I love your modern take on this story! I can definitely imagine what it would be like with all of the main characters in a modern day society! I really like how you had the twist of Draupadi making out with all of them, haha. Also your representation of Kunti as a scary tiger mom is perfect! I feel like that's pretty accurate, haha. Her "hundred questions" is such a good way to describe the motherly interrogations, and I would never have thought to do it like that!
ReplyDeleteWhat a good idea to turn the kind of "drama" in the Pandavas lives into a high school party scene, I can't think of a better place. I like how you have played out the dialogue as well, it makes it easier to read and follow. I'm not going to lie, I like how you turned Draupadi into a player. In the original tales I don't feel like the women are portrayed as strong characters so it is nice to see Draupadi having control over the entire situation.
ReplyDeleteGood job on incorporating the 100 questions in your story as well, it was really clever how you did it.
--> "It had reached that point in the night where everyone either loved everyone or wanted to fight everyone."
The only thing I would suggest is maybe a re wording of this sentence. Maybe use a different word for "everyone". Maybe say, It had reached a point where some of the rowdy jocks had one too many and started a fight. Draupadi made them leave and the environment instantly became calm."
I loved this story!! I read your other story a few weeks ago and I am so glad I got assigned to read the next portfolio entry! You did a great job turning the Pandava brothers into high school boys infatuated with the popular girl. The way you set up the scene really did feel like high school. After reading your Author’s Note, I liked the scene even more when their mother was grilling them with questions! I didn’t realize or didn’t remember that story “Hundred Questions” so I thought it was hilarious how you applied it because we can all relate to our mother asking us way too many questions. I like that you waited until the very end to have all the boys realize they made out with Draupadi. It gives it a little pit of suspense and makes the boys realize their pride and their lie that evening, was all for nothing. Finally, I like how you kept Yudhisthira’s character noticeable throughout the story. He was the one trying to get everyone home and you could tell he was the more responsible brother from the start. It was very thoughtful of you to keep that characteristic throughout the story. I honestly don’t have anything I would suggest you change at this point. Maybe similar to how you did with Yudhisthira, incorporate individual characteristics to each brother. You could use the research editing challenge and find their individual characteristics to incorporate.
ReplyDeleteI loved this story! Each character's thoughts and opinions were perfectly shown, and I have to say I did laugh when we found out that Draupadi made out with all of them! That was my favorite part of the reading of that chapter so I am really happy that you chose this scenario to write about! Great job!
ReplyDeleteI loved reading this story. It was so modernized and easy to follow that I just kept reading without realizing that I already got to the end. I loved the "red solo cup" part because I could actually picture it in my head and just think of all the parties that I have been to myself. That is just so true. Along with the whole "at this point everyone either hated each other or loved each other" is just so true. There are always those people that drink too much and have no idea what they are doing. Plus you stuck to the core characteristics of the people in your story so that was good. You may have modernized your story and the people but their personality was still the same. I have read your first story and loved it as well. I am really looking forward to reading the other stories you post!
ReplyDeleteI originally picked this story from your portfolio because your title and the little description caught my attention. I'm sure glad I picked this one to read because I loved your version of this story! I think you wrote it very well. I really only noticed one grammatical issue (I might have been too captivated by the plot to really seek anymore out):
ReplyDelete"Always mom!" Yudhisthira yelled back.
- I think there's suppose to be a comma after "always"
I think my favorite part of your storytelling were the characters. I love how you kept all their personalities the same! For example, Yudhisthira's still the "leader", and all five of the boys are still the kind-hearted heroes I remember (like when they split up the fist fighting jocks that had one too many).
Whenever I was done reading and thinking back to your story as a whole, I realized I saw Draupadi as the antagonist. I don't know if you meant for that but I think it added and interesting take on the story. Great job!